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*How To Find Out If Someone Has A Gambling Problem At A
*How To Find Out If Someone Has A Gambling Problem To Be
*How To Tell If A Person Has A Gambling Problem
Problem gambling is defined as gambling that is disruptive or damaging to you or your family, or interferes with your daily life.Most people in the UK gambled or played the lottery in the last year- activities like playing the lottery once or twice a week aren’t harmful. However, for around 9 in 1000 people, gambling becomes a problem or an addiction.Signs of problem gambling
The following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem. SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time. If you suspect you or someone you love has a gambling addiction, talk to your doctor or mental health professional. They can help you find the information and support you need.
If you think you might have a gambling problem, help is available.
To start, answer these 10 questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’:
*Do you spend a lot of time thinking about gambling?
*Are you spending more money on gambling as time goes on?
*Have you ever tried to stop gambling, or cut down on or control your gambling, and not been able to?
*Do you get restless or irritable if you try to cut down on gambling?
*Do you gamble to escape from difficulties in your life, or to cheer yourself up?
*Do you keep playing after losing money to try to win it back – often called ‘chasing losses’?
*Have you lied to other people about how much time or money you’ve spent gambling, or how much you’ve lost?
*Have you ever stolen money to fund gambling?
*Has gambling affected your job, relationships, or home life?
*Do you ask other people to lend you money when you’ve lost money through gambling?
If you’ve answered yes:
*To 1 question – you might have a problem, and it would be a good idea to seek help.
*To 3 questions – gambling probably feels like it’s a problem, and you should seek help.
*To 5 or more questions – it’s likely gambling feels like it’s affecting every part of your life. You should get help as soon as possible.Effects of problem gambling
While problem gambling itself doesn’t have physical symptoms, the negative effects can appear in many areas of life. These include:
*reduced quality of life – having less money or free time
*problems with your social life – avoiding seeing friends or going out
*physical illnesses caused by spending more time gambling and less time being active, as well as potentially drinking more alcohol
*financial problems – running up debts, and not having enough money for essentials
*relationship problems and conflict at home – this can include arguments with family and friends, or conflict with your partner about financial difficulties
*criminal activity – problem gambling doesn’t make you a criminal, but some people find themselves committing crimes to fund their gambling habit
*unemployment or difficulties at work – if you gamble at work, or miss work due to gambling, it can lead to issues at work and potentially unemployment
Even if you haven’t experienced any of these issues yet, if your gambling is becoming a problem it’s possible these negative effects will happen in the future. It’s important to be mindful of the impact gambling could have on you or your family.How problem gambling happens
Some people seem to be more likely to develop a gambling problem than others.
Men tend to be more vulnerable to developing a gambling problem than women, likely becausewomen usually gamble less than men.
While a gambling problem can start at any age, people who start as teenagers or young adults can grow into problem gamblers. Children as young as 7 can struggle to control how much time they spend playing video and mobile games, many of which ask for micro-transactions and payments. Older people who feel isolated or bored can also be attracted to gambling.
People who work in casinos, betting shops or arcades can be more likely to develop a gambling habit.
Certain types of gambling can be more likely to lead to a problem than others:
*mobile or internet gambling – like betting or bingo websites and apps
*video poker
*roulette
*dice games
*the stock market
*playing sports for money
Engaging in these activities doesn’t mean you have a problem with gambling, but it’s important to be aware that these types of gambling are particularly addictive.Things that could make problem gambling more likely
There are some factors that can make a person more vulnerable to developing a gambling problem. These include:
*having a mental health condition
*having an alcohol or drug problem
*being in prison
*having a family member, particularly a parent, with a gambling addiction
*a gambling habit that started early – some people start gambling as young as 7 or 8
*having trouble controlling your gambling from the first time you did it, even if you don’t actually gamble very often
This doesn’t mean that everyone in these circumstances will develop a problem, but it’s important to be aware of the risk if gambling is something you do.Self-help for problem gambling
If you feel your gambling has become a problem, there are steps you can take right away to start improving your situation.1. Limit how much money you can spend gambling
*Pay all your essential bills, like rent/mortgage, utilities, council tax, food, and childcare costs, as soon as you get paid.
*Set yourself a weekly limit on how much you’re willing to spend on gambling, and be sure to stick to it.
*If you go out to gamble, leave your debit and credit cards at home and only take cash, so you can’t spend more than planned.
*On gambling websites and apps, set a limit on your account so you can’t overspend.
*Talk to your bank about blocking certain websites or locations, like betting websites or casinos.
*UseGAMSTOPto block yourself from accessing online gambling sites and gambling apps. GAMSTOP doesn’t cover every site or app operating in the UK, but you can contact ones you use that aren’t signed up to this scheme and ask them to block you.2. Reduce the time you spend gambling
*Set a limit on how often you gamble in a week. Be specific and name the days – for example: “I will only gamble on Tuesdays and Fridays.”
*Resist the temptation to open up gambling sites or apps for a ‘quick go’ or just to make one bet – it’s likely that you’ll find it hard to stick to just one.
*Set alarms or alerts on your phone, watch, or computer to remind you when it’s time to close the site or app and stop gambling for the day.3. Don’t think of gambling as a way to make money
*Remind yourself frequently that gambling isn’t a way to make money – you’re paying for entertainment. It’s not an investment, and you’re not earning money by gambling.
*When you gamble, always prepare yourself to lose. Remind yourself that winning is by chance, and not something that happens more often than losing.
*Never spend money from savings or investments on gambling.
*Tell your friends and family not to lend you money if you ask.4. Fill up your time with other things
*Spend more time with friends and family.
*Spend less time with people you know who gamble, or people you usually gamble with.
*Join clubs or social groups that don’t involve gambling – this could be a good time to take up a new hobby, or restart one you haven’t done for a while.
*Talk to friends and family about your situation and your concerns, rather than ‘bottling up’ your feelings.
For more self-help advice and tools, you can access resources on the GamCare website.Getting help with problem gambling
There are a lot of ways to access help with problem gambling. There’s also support available if you have a loved one with a gambling problem.
Gamblers Anonymous Scotland has meetings every day, and is free to attend. The meetings are informal and friendly, and there are currently around 70 meetings held in Scotland every day. Gamblers Anonymous also has a 24-hour helpline you can phone on 0370 050 8881.
If you have a loved one with a gambling problem, support is available from Gam-Anon Scotland. The organisation has supportive, confidential meetings that are separate from Gamblers Anonymous meetings. You can also phone the Gam-Anon 24-hour helpline on 0370 050 8881.
GamCare provides information, advice and support for anyone affected by problem gambling. It operates the National Gambling Helpline, and provides treatment for problem gamblers and their families. You can phone the National Gambling Helpline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 0808 8020 133.
If you’re looking for ways to stop yourself from gambling, GAMSTOP allows you to block your access to certain gambling websites and apps.
For advice on gambling as safely as possible, or help reporting a gambling business that’s breaking the law,visit the Gambling Commission website.
If you’re looking for help educating a young person about gambling, or need educational materials for a class or youth group, the Fast Forward Gambling Education Hub has a number of useful resources.
You can also visit your local primary care team for support and information about resources in your local area. Visit Scotland’s Service Directory for information on services near you.
For other help and support, use Scotland’s Service Directory to find counselling, mental wellbeing, and money advice services in your area.
If you’re struggling with the impact gambling is having on your life, or the life of a loved one, phoneBreathing Spaceon 0800 83 85 87 for support and counselling. Breathing Space is open:
*Weekdays: Monday to Thursday 6pm to 2am
*Weekends: Friday 6pm to Monday 6am10 Common Lies Compulsive Gamblers Tell
If you’re living with a compulsive gambler, you’re already familiar with the never-ending cycle of lies, half-truths, and deliberate distortion of facts. But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling, and lying becomes second nature to them. What are some of the common lies compulsive gamblers tell? Read on.
#1: I don’t have a gambling problem.
Anyone who flat-out denies they have a gambling problem, despite evidence to the contrary, is either well on their way to full-blown gambling addiction or is already there. By the time someone is deep into gambling, their behavior becomes consistent and predictable. They will do anything and say anything to get to their primary goal: gambling. That they stretch the truth or tell outright lies is an understatement. Gambling addicts, even after disastrous losses, bankruptcy and financial ruin, legal problems, deteriorating family and personal relationships, will often steadfastly maintain that they don’t have a gambling problem.
Denial is a coping mechanism the compulsive gambler uses to attempt to mask his or her problem. By hoping to keep the truth from coming out, the gambler tries to buy time – time he or she uses to keep on gambling. Thus, there’s self-denial and denial to others. Both types of denial are symptoms of many kinds of addiction, not just gambling addiction. The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do.
Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want.
Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually generate this kind of lie in response. The gambler cannot admit to you or him/her self that there’s a problem, number one, and, number two, if that doesn’t work, he or she will profess vehemently that stopping is no problem. To prove it, the compulsive gambler may even stay away from the casino, sports book, Internet gaming, or track for a short period of time.
But the lure of cashing in on the big score, snagging the elusive prize is too great. Before long, the compulsive gambler is right back at it. He or she simply cannot resist the temptation. The urge to gamble has become a craving that gnaws incessantly on the consciousness. To ignore the craving is to suffer – and the compulsive gambler only wants the high that comes from gambling.
Lie #3: My gambling doesn’t hurt anyone.
Most addicts believe – some, even sincerely – that their addiction doesn’t hurt anyone. Some even believe their addiction doesn’t even hurt them. It’s just as true with compulsive gambling as addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs used nonmedically, or other addictive behavior including compulsive sex, overwork, eating disorders, and so on. In fact, gambling addiction, like all addictions, is considered a family disease/disorder. What happens when one individual in the family is addicted impacts all members of the family.
What kinds of harm does this potentially involve? Depending on the length of time the individual has been gambling, and the other addictions the person may also have, the damage may be extensive. Compulsive gamblers often are addicted to alcohol, nicotine, or other harmful substances. This can result in physical deterioration to the addict as well as mental and emotional difficulties: cognitive impairment, difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, explosive rage, extreme mood swings, depression, psychosis, and thoughts of suicide, among others.
Dealing with the effects of gambling addiction, the family suffers right along with the gambler. As gambling takes up more and more of the individual’s life, taking care of family responsibilities becomes less important. Many gamblers lose their home, go bankrupt, get arrested for various crimes (embezzlement, fraud, theft, violence, DUIs, etc.), lose their job or source of income, become violent and abusive to family members, lose their families. As a unit, the family often disintegrates. In fact, without treatment, compulsive gambling is a downward spiral that has, at its final stage, a predictable outcome for the individual: prison, commitment to a mental institution, or death.
Lie #4: I didn’t go gambling.
Meeting the gambler at the door and asking where he or she was is like asking for the inevitable lie: I didn’t go gambling. What else can the compulsive gambler say? Admitting that he or she went gambling is tantamount to admitting loss of control, an inability to set and keep boundaries, and a refusal to keep a promise. If there’s the smell of alcohol and the individual reeks of cigarette smoke or there are other telltale signs of substance use – and you know the person has a history of gambling – hearing the denial will only add fuel to the fire.
You know it’s an outright lie. Confrontation isn’t the way to deal with it. At least, it’s not the solution right now. You need to pick your time for the discussion, and it needs to be when the compulsive gambler is rational, calm, and able to carry on a conversation about the situation in a normal manner.
Lie #5: I have my gambling under control.
If you are the partner or spouse who relies on the compulsive gambler to take care of the bills and other financial responsibilities in the household, you may be tempted to believe this lie. He or she has unrestricted access to the checking and savings accounts, credit cards, lines of credit and other avenues. If, on the other hand, you are the one who controls the purse strings, so to speak, and you constantly give in to the requests for money, you are enabling the compulsive gambler to continue with his or her addictive behavior. You are complicit, codependent, and have just magnified the problem by making it easier for the compulsive gambler to continue.
When someone says they have their gambling under control, they are lying not only to you but also to themselves. A person who only buys a Lotto ticket once in a while will never make this statement. Someone who goes to the track daily, or can’t go by the casino without going in and gambling for hours, maxing out the ATM withdrawals, badgering friends for cash, is very likely to utter these words – and probably more than just a few times. After a while, they just aren’t believable anymore. And the evidence will mount to prove just how big a lie it is.
Lie #6: I didn’t touch our savings.
Desperation sets in the longer the compulsive gambler engages in the addictive behavior. Why is this? While the gambler may initially (in the early stages of gambling behavior) have some wins, the odds are literally stacked against him or her. Sooner or later, the house always wins. It doesn’t matter if the form of gambling is at an actual casino, or sports betting, or Internet gaming, the gambler’s luck eventually runs out.
But the gambler is convinced it’s only a temporary setback. If he or she just keeps gambling, the luck will return. There’s always the big score, the huge payout, just around the corner. All that’s needed is the infusion of cash.
Where to get the cash? Gamblers will rob savings accounts, jockey funds back and forth, hide the passbook or bank statements, and delay the inevitable – all in the futile attempt to keep you from the truth. If you hear your partner or spouse say he or she didn’t touch your savings, you’d better check it out with the bank yourself. Chances are this is just another lie the compulsive gambler tells you.
Lie #7: You won’t believe what happened…
The more deep in debt the compulsive gambler gets – and there’s no way around the fact that this will occur – the more elaborate and exaggerated the lies and stories he or she begins to concoct. There’ll be the robbery that occurred as he or she was depositing money in the bank – and now everything’s gone. Or someone stole his or her wallet and now the credit cards are gone. There may have been an unbelievable investment opportunity and it had a limited window, so he or she had to jump in now or lose the chance… All this and more will come out of the compulsive gambler’s mouth as a way to explain what happened to your money.
If you hear the words: You won’t believe what happened… don’t believe it. No matter how convincing it sounds, it’s likely a lie.
Lie #8: My friend was in trouble and needed money.
This lie is an evergreen one that almost every compulsive gambler uses on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s so common that it’s nearly predictable that you will hear it sooner or later. Certainly there are times when your spouse or partner’s friends may be in trouble. Who doesn’t have such an experience? But when your partner is a compulsive gambler, you have reason to be suspicious. Naturally, you want to give someone you care about the benefit of the doubt, but after falling for this lie time and time again, you
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*How To Find Out If Someone Has A Gambling Problem At A
*How To Find Out If Someone Has A Gambling Problem To Be
*How To Tell If A Person Has A Gambling Problem
Problem gambling is defined as gambling that is disruptive or damaging to you or your family, or interferes with your daily life.Most people in the UK gambled or played the lottery in the last year- activities like playing the lottery once or twice a week aren’t harmful. However, for around 9 in 1000 people, gambling becomes a problem or an addiction.Signs of problem gambling
The following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem. SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time. If you suspect you or someone you love has a gambling addiction, talk to your doctor or mental health professional. They can help you find the information and support you need.
If you think you might have a gambling problem, help is available.
To start, answer these 10 questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’:
*Do you spend a lot of time thinking about gambling?
*Are you spending more money on gambling as time goes on?
*Have you ever tried to stop gambling, or cut down on or control your gambling, and not been able to?
*Do you get restless or irritable if you try to cut down on gambling?
*Do you gamble to escape from difficulties in your life, or to cheer yourself up?
*Do you keep playing after losing money to try to win it back – often called ‘chasing losses’?
*Have you lied to other people about how much time or money you’ve spent gambling, or how much you’ve lost?
*Have you ever stolen money to fund gambling?
*Has gambling affected your job, relationships, or home life?
*Do you ask other people to lend you money when you’ve lost money through gambling?
If you’ve answered yes:
*To 1 question – you might have a problem, and it would be a good idea to seek help.
*To 3 questions – gambling probably feels like it’s a problem, and you should seek help.
*To 5 or more questions – it’s likely gambling feels like it’s affecting every part of your life. You should get help as soon as possible.Effects of problem gambling
While problem gambling itself doesn’t have physical symptoms, the negative effects can appear in many areas of life. These include:
*reduced quality of life – having less money or free time
*problems with your social life – avoiding seeing friends or going out
*physical illnesses caused by spending more time gambling and less time being active, as well as potentially drinking more alcohol
*financial problems – running up debts, and not having enough money for essentials
*relationship problems and conflict at home – this can include arguments with family and friends, or conflict with your partner about financial difficulties
*criminal activity – problem gambling doesn’t make you a criminal, but some people find themselves committing crimes to fund their gambling habit
*unemployment or difficulties at work – if you gamble at work, or miss work due to gambling, it can lead to issues at work and potentially unemployment
Even if you haven’t experienced any of these issues yet, if your gambling is becoming a problem it’s possible these negative effects will happen in the future. It’s important to be mindful of the impact gambling could have on you or your family.How problem gambling happens
Some people seem to be more likely to develop a gambling problem than others.
Men tend to be more vulnerable to developing a gambling problem than women, likely becausewomen usually gamble less than men.
While a gambling problem can start at any age, people who start as teenagers or young adults can grow into problem gamblers. Children as young as 7 can struggle to control how much time they spend playing video and mobile games, many of which ask for micro-transactions and payments. Older people who feel isolated or bored can also be attracted to gambling.
People who work in casinos, betting shops or arcades can be more likely to develop a gambling habit.
Certain types of gambling can be more likely to lead to a problem than others:
*mobile or internet gambling – like betting or bingo websites and apps
*video poker
*roulette
*dice games
*the stock market
*playing sports for money
Engaging in these activities doesn’t mean you have a problem with gambling, but it’s important to be aware that these types of gambling are particularly addictive.Things that could make problem gambling more likely
There are some factors that can make a person more vulnerable to developing a gambling problem. These include:
*having a mental health condition
*having an alcohol or drug problem
*being in prison
*having a family member, particularly a parent, with a gambling addiction
*a gambling habit that started early – some people start gambling as young as 7 or 8
*having trouble controlling your gambling from the first time you did it, even if you don’t actually gamble very often
This doesn’t mean that everyone in these circumstances will develop a problem, but it’s important to be aware of the risk if gambling is something you do.Self-help for problem gambling
If you feel your gambling has become a problem, there are steps you can take right away to start improving your situation.1. Limit how much money you can spend gambling
*Pay all your essential bills, like rent/mortgage, utilities, council tax, food, and childcare costs, as soon as you get paid.
*Set yourself a weekly limit on how much you’re willing to spend on gambling, and be sure to stick to it.
*If you go out to gamble, leave your debit and credit cards at home and only take cash, so you can’t spend more than planned.
*On gambling websites and apps, set a limit on your account so you can’t overspend.
*Talk to your bank about blocking certain websites or locations, like betting websites or casinos.
*UseGAMSTOPto block yourself from accessing online gambling sites and gambling apps. GAMSTOP doesn’t cover every site or app operating in the UK, but you can contact ones you use that aren’t signed up to this scheme and ask them to block you.2. Reduce the time you spend gambling
*Set a limit on how often you gamble in a week. Be specific and name the days – for example: “I will only gamble on Tuesdays and Fridays.”
*Resist the temptation to open up gambling sites or apps for a ‘quick go’ or just to make one bet – it’s likely that you’ll find it hard to stick to just one.
*Set alarms or alerts on your phone, watch, or computer to remind you when it’s time to close the site or app and stop gambling for the day.3. Don’t think of gambling as a way to make money
*Remind yourself frequently that gambling isn’t a way to make money – you’re paying for entertainment. It’s not an investment, and you’re not earning money by gambling.
*When you gamble, always prepare yourself to lose. Remind yourself that winning is by chance, and not something that happens more often than losing.
*Never spend money from savings or investments on gambling.
*Tell your friends and family not to lend you money if you ask.4. Fill up your time with other things
*Spend more time with friends and family.
*Spend less time with people you know who gamble, or people you usually gamble with.
*Join clubs or social groups that don’t involve gambling – this could be a good time to take up a new hobby, or restart one you haven’t done for a while.
*Talk to friends and family about your situation and your concerns, rather than ‘bottling up’ your feelings.
For more self-help advice and tools, you can access resources on the GamCare website.Getting help with problem gambling
There are a lot of ways to access help with problem gambling. There’s also support available if you have a loved one with a gambling problem.
Gamblers Anonymous Scotland has meetings every day, and is free to attend. The meetings are informal and friendly, and there are currently around 70 meetings held in Scotland every day. Gamblers Anonymous also has a 24-hour helpline you can phone on 0370 050 8881.
If you have a loved one with a gambling problem, support is available from Gam-Anon Scotland. The organisation has supportive, confidential meetings that are separate from Gamblers Anonymous meetings. You can also phone the Gam-Anon 24-hour helpline on 0370 050 8881.
GamCare provides information, advice and support for anyone affected by problem gambling. It operates the National Gambling Helpline, and provides treatment for problem gamblers and their families. You can phone the National Gambling Helpline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 0808 8020 133.
If you’re looking for ways to stop yourself from gambling, GAMSTOP allows you to block your access to certain gambling websites and apps.
For advice on gambling as safely as possible, or help reporting a gambling business that’s breaking the law,visit the Gambling Commission website.
If you’re looking for help educating a young person about gambling, or need educational materials for a class or youth group, the Fast Forward Gambling Education Hub has a number of useful resources.
You can also visit your local primary care team for support and information about resources in your local area. Visit Scotland’s Service Directory for information on services near you.
For other help and support, use Scotland’s Service Directory to find counselling, mental wellbeing, and money advice services in your area.
If you’re struggling with the impact gambling is having on your life, or the life of a loved one, phoneBreathing Spaceon 0800 83 85 87 for support and counselling. Breathing Space is open:
*Weekdays: Monday to Thursday 6pm to 2am
*Weekends: Friday 6pm to Monday 6am10 Common Lies Compulsive Gamblers Tell
If you’re living with a compulsive gambler, you’re already familiar with the never-ending cycle of lies, half-truths, and deliberate distortion of facts. But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling, and lying becomes second nature to them. What are some of the common lies compulsive gamblers tell? Read on.
#1: I don’t have a gambling problem.
Anyone who flat-out denies they have a gambling problem, despite evidence to the contrary, is either well on their way to full-blown gambling addiction or is already there. By the time someone is deep into gambling, their behavior becomes consistent and predictable. They will do anything and say anything to get to their primary goal: gambling. That they stretch the truth or tell outright lies is an understatement. Gambling addicts, even after disastrous losses, bankruptcy and financial ruin, legal problems, deteriorating family and personal relationships, will often steadfastly maintain that they don’t have a gambling problem.
Denial is a coping mechanism the compulsive gambler uses to attempt to mask his or her problem. By hoping to keep the truth from coming out, the gambler tries to buy time – time he or she uses to keep on gambling. Thus, there’s self-denial and denial to others. Both types of denial are symptoms of many kinds of addiction, not just gambling addiction. The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do.
Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want.
Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually generate this kind of lie in response. The gambler cannot admit to you or him/her self that there’s a problem, number one, and, number two, if that doesn’t work, he or she will profess vehemently that stopping is no problem. To prove it, the compulsive gambler may even stay away from the casino, sports book, Internet gaming, or track for a short period of time.
But the lure of cashing in on the big score, snagging the elusive prize is too great. Before long, the compulsive gambler is right back at it. He or she simply cannot resist the temptation. The urge to gamble has become a craving that gnaws incessantly on the consciousness. To ignore the craving is to suffer – and the compulsive gambler only wants the high that comes from gambling.
Lie #3: My gambling doesn’t hurt anyone.
Most addicts believe – some, even sincerely – that their addiction doesn’t hurt anyone. Some even believe their addiction doesn’t even hurt them. It’s just as true with compulsive gambling as addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs used nonmedically, or other addictive behavior including compulsive sex, overwork, eating disorders, and so on. In fact, gambling addiction, like all addictions, is considered a family disease/disorder. What happens when one individual in the family is addicted impacts all members of the family.
What kinds of harm does this potentially involve? Depending on the length of time the individual has been gambling, and the other addictions the person may also have, the damage may be extensive. Compulsive gamblers often are addicted to alcohol, nicotine, or other harmful substances. This can result in physical deterioration to the addict as well as mental and emotional difficulties: cognitive impairment, difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, explosive rage, extreme mood swings, depression, psychosis, and thoughts of suicide, among others.
Dealing with the effects of gambling addiction, the family suffers right along with the gambler. As gambling takes up more and more of the individual’s life, taking care of family responsibilities becomes less important. Many gamblers lose their home, go bankrupt, get arrested for various crimes (embezzlement, fraud, theft, violence, DUIs, etc.), lose their job or source of income, become violent and abusive to family members, lose their families. As a unit, the family often disintegrates. In fact, without treatment, compulsive gambling is a downward spiral that has, at its final stage, a predictable outcome for the individual: prison, commitment to a mental institution, or death.
Lie #4: I didn’t go gambling.
Meeting the gambler at the door and asking where he or she was is like asking for the inevitable lie: I didn’t go gambling. What else can the compulsive gambler say? Admitting that he or she went gambling is tantamount to admitting loss of control, an inability to set and keep boundaries, and a refusal to keep a promise. If there’s the smell of alcohol and the individual reeks of cigarette smoke or there are other telltale signs of substance use – and you know the person has a history of gambling – hearing the denial will only add fuel to the fire.
You know it’s an outright lie. Confrontation isn’t the way to deal with it. At least, it’s not the solution right now. You need to pick your time for the discussion, and it needs to be when the compulsive gambler is rational, calm, and able to carry on a conversation about the situation in a normal manner.
Lie #5: I have my gambling under control.
If you are the partner or spouse who relies on the compulsive gambler to take care of the bills and other financial responsibilities in the household, you may be tempted to believe this lie. He or she has unrestricted access to the checking and savings accounts, credit cards, lines of credit and other avenues. If, on the other hand, you are the one who controls the purse strings, so to speak, and you constantly give in to the requests for money, you are enabling the compulsive gambler to continue with his or her addictive behavior. You are complicit, codependent, and have just magnified the problem by making it easier for the compulsive gambler to continue.
When someone says they have their gambling under control, they are lying not only to you but also to themselves. A person who only buys a Lotto ticket once in a while will never make this statement. Someone who goes to the track daily, or can’t go by the casino without going in and gambling for hours, maxing out the ATM withdrawals, badgering friends for cash, is very likely to utter these words – and probably more than just a few times. After a while, they just aren’t believable anymore. And the evidence will mount to prove just how big a lie it is.
Lie #6: I didn’t touch our savings.
Desperation sets in the longer the compulsive gambler engages in the addictive behavior. Why is this? While the gambler may initially (in the early stages of gambling behavior) have some wins, the odds are literally stacked against him or her. Sooner or later, the house always wins. It doesn’t matter if the form of gambling is at an actual casino, or sports betting, or Internet gaming, the gambler’s luck eventually runs out.
But the gambler is convinced it’s only a temporary setback. If he or she just keeps gambling, the luck will return. There’s always the big score, the huge payout, just around the corner. All that’s needed is the infusion of cash.
Where to get the cash? Gamblers will rob savings accounts, jockey funds back and forth, hide the passbook or bank statements, and delay the inevitable – all in the futile attempt to keep you from the truth. If you hear your partner or spouse say he or she didn’t touch your savings, you’d better check it out with the bank yourself. Chances are this is just another lie the compulsive gambler tells you.
Lie #7: You won’t believe what happened…
The more deep in debt the compulsive gambler gets – and there’s no way around the fact that this will occur – the more elaborate and exaggerated the lies and stories he or she begins to concoct. There’ll be the robbery that occurred as he or she was depositing money in the bank – and now everything’s gone. Or someone stole his or her wallet and now the credit cards are gone. There may have been an unbelievable investment opportunity and it had a limited window, so he or she had to jump in now or lose the chance… All this and more will come out of the compulsive gambler’s mouth as a way to explain what happened to your money.
If you hear the words: You won’t believe what happened… don’t believe it. No matter how convincing it sounds, it’s likely a lie.
Lie #8: My friend was in trouble and needed money.
This lie is an evergreen one that almost every compulsive gambler uses on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s so common that it’s nearly predictable that you will hear it sooner or later. Certainly there are times when your spouse or partner’s friends may be in trouble. Who doesn’t have such an experience? But when your partner is a compulsive gambler, you have reason to be suspicious. Naturally, you want to give someone you care about the benefit of the doubt, but after falling for this lie time and time again, you
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